A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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