im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize