Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
