Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
