This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
