i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize