Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
