Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Never joke about your clitoris.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize