I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
