he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
