and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
