what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
