So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize