He felt like a one man threesome
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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