shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
