I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
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