Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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