Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
