Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just cropdusted the office
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
