Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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