hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
