I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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