i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize