Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
