i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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