Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize