I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
