You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
