Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
