Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
