if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize