I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize