omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I didn't notice because vodka
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
