Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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