Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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