1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
