goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
be right there i have to get my cape
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
