im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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