im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize