Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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