i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I did not marry a roomba.
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