Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
