This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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