dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize