Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
