Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
