I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize