Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
