How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
