she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
