Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
