i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
