I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
