I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
