I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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