if you like me you must not know who I am
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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