Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
