I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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