My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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