dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Randomize
