Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
