My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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