i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
