I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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