so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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