i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you didnt know i had herpes?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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