Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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