What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
