paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
