don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
