It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
