Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Are my feet made of real feet?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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