You work out of a Hotel?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
