Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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