If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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