I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
