I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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