Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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