Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize