we have pet lesbian snakes
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize