they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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