do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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