Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
