Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Let's get the cat blown out
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