so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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