i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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