His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
