Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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