Porn is love you can see.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
