And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
