The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
