those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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