so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
